A Dedication and a Potential Prognosis

Before I get into my post for today, I want to dedicate this post to a little 8-year-old boy by the name of Leiby Kletzky. If his name hadn't been spread all over local news because of his being horribly murdered, I wouldn't even know his name. A few weeks ago, somebody abducted him off the streets of Brooklyn, drugged him, suffocated him, and dismembered his body. When I first heard the story, it was like a knife had hit my heart. For me, it wasn't like just any other murder story on the news. This was a child. A Jewish child. I was once a Jewish child in Brooklyn. I didn't know what true danger was like, and that's how it should be for any child, anywhere. I said a silent Mourner's Kaddish for Leiby, having not prayed in several months because I'd lost my faith. Because I have strong Jewish roots, and because I am very concerned with the welfare of children, wanting to go into pediatric nursing and all, this story really broke my heart. Condolences go out to the Kletzky family. I am dreadfully sorry that this had to happen. My half-brother is a young child too, and although I can't be in his life right now, I hope he is always safe and in good hands (to the extent that he can be, anyway.)

Anyhow, let's get back to my condition. My doctor called with the results from my last sonogram and blood test. She simply says, "They are benign, hormones are normal. No treatment." I'm thinking, something isn't right here. I know how I feel inside, and I know my hormones are overactive. With help from my social worker and threatening to switch doctors, I caught her in a lie; my hormone levels WERE elevated, but they did not need to be treated. I also got more details about what's growing out of my thyroid. She believes they are more cystic than tumour-like, but are significantly calcified. I have no idea what she meant in terms of calcification or how it happens, what it can do to me, etc., but I need to get these things taken care of, because I am dreadfully uncomfortable. They interfere with talking sometimes, and last night, they interfered with my sleep.

I really don't know if I can trust my doctor anymore. I may make the switch in terms of general practitioners, but I need to see an ENT about the calcification, because she kept telling me that she herself couldn't handle that sort of thing, because she wasn't qualified. Now, how would I know that she's right about calcification? I don't know. It just makes sense to me. Besides, she was not the one who analyzed my sonogram, or took it, for that matter. Regardless, my next step is to see a specialist and obtain my records. Hopefully I can get this sorted out.

Hungry Hungry (Not) Hippo

My appetite has been huge lately. I've eaten more in one day than I can remember having eaten in one day ever, even on Risperdal (an anti-psychotic, used to treat bipolar disorder, caused increased appetite). But, unlike with Risperdal, I am still losing weight. My mother told me it's a sign of illness. No shit, sherlock. As if I didn't already know I was sick. No progress has been made yet in trying to get my prognosis out of my doctor, but after the holiday is over, I will keep trying.

I think when I'm well again, I'm going to make some lifestyle changes. I want to start working out. I've already started eating healthier, but I want to continue doing it after I get better. I can't use my illness as the only excuse for taking better care of myself. Because I'll stay healthy if I keep doing it. I hope to try and keep my junk food habit at bay by learning to like produce. And I'm well on my way to that goal. My mom's cream of broccoli soup is to die for, and I like homemade strawberry smoothies (but maybe I need to put less sugar in them). But right now, I really need to stop talking about food and try and exercise some self-control. My metabolism (and all of my other bodily processes) may be extremely fast now, but it's not always going to be this way, I'm sure of it.

Time to finish watching the Independence Day festivities on TV. Sure, it's the same old thing, but it helps keep my mind off of food.

Truckin' it Out

I've been getting more symptomatic by the day. I've been feeling a lump on the left side of my neck when I swallow, the lymph node on the left side of my neck under my jawbone is painful and rock solid, and I've had dull, intermittent pain in my ears. I thought this was an ear infection, but it's not that kind of pain, plus, I feel like I usually do otherwise. After a lot of anxiety, I finally called my doctor to see what was going on with my sonogram results. They're not in yet. It's incredibly frustrating because I've been so symptomatic and there's not really a magic pill I can take to get relief. That's reserved for those thyroid patients who only have a simple hormone imbalance. Like my mom. I am so jealous that she can just take one pill and be fine with her thyroid; then again, a simple case of hypothyroidism is far less difficult to treat (and diagnose) than the stuff I've got going on.

Now that I've dropped out of summer school, I can blog a lot more frequently. But don't panic; I'm still going back to school in the fall. It's just that I don't want to deal with a professor who makes me cry in front of the whole class and refuses to turn up the AC. I'd say the puddle of sweat I left on my chair is my way of saying, "Kiss my ass." Psychologically (and physically), I don't need to deal with that. The disability department agreed that I wasn't in any physical shape to be in school right now anyhow, and told me I need to take the summer to get my health in check. It would be much easier if I had my sonogram results back. But now I'm sounding like a broken record.

I think I might take a nap now. I haven't been sleeping much at night these days.